Comfortable at Last

During the month of December I noticed a change in my thinking and my self awareness.   The fact that my foot troubles were holding me back from actively  living my life since May 2010 was difficult.  Believing there is “timing” and a  ”plan” for all of us, I’ve often wondered why this happened and what was I supposed to be learning?  What was I missing?   The truth is, I believe the circumstantial hold that my life has undergone has been worth it.   Subtle changes on the outside have made some bigger ones on the subconscious level.  It’s been a very long time coming and for the first time that I can recall I feel comfortable in every aspect of my life.  Uniquely and completely complete.

For years I struggled with being comfortable in my own skin.   I was fearful of everything that went in my mouth for sure that it was going to show up in the next 5 mins as 15 lbs.    Those who know my struggles have seen me at my worst and at the best, but I don’t know that I was ever truly happy or settled.   Distorted body image and all that goes with it has haunted me for most of my young teen and adult life.  Not until the end of 2011, did I notice that I felt different and I was okay with that.   Okay with just me.

It is no secret that I have very little patience for those needy people that constantly seek validation from others for everything they do.   I’ve always danced to my own drummer and found my own way.  I love that I have had the experiences that have made me who I am.  My sister dubbed me the “weird sister” and after I got over myself, and the fact that I really did believe and do things differently that the rest of them, and they still loved me, I embraced the title (even though it took several years).   When meeting a family friend for the first time he remarked, “Oh, you’re the one that’s always been kinda different.”   Although it’s true, I was taken aback and not sure how to respond to that coming from someone outside my family.  I wasn’t really ready for that.  I could only try to hide my shocked expression, chuckle and say, “Yeah”.   I really wonder who it was describing me in their conversations.

From childhood, my foundational spiritual beliefs were contained in those of my family home, but as I became aware of the differences the similarities were that Universal truths  never change.  I don’t necessarily completely believe as my family does, but I live by those examples taught to me by my parents and my beautiful sisters.

I have not read the book, but believe that finding that supreme happiness in being true to yourself to make changes is all that “The Secret” really is    (I will confess right now, that I just Googled it…not too far off, was I).  During my early 20′s I began hypnotherapy that not only saved my physical life but gave me new tools for emotional and spiritual growth.   I still use self hypnosis as a means to work out the internal conflicts and decompress among other things.    I believe that through this process and my greatest blessing, a husband that understands and supports my alternative interests, I have been living “the Secret” for years.

Turning 40 was very hard for me.  My co-workers who were in their 40′s and early 50′s told me it would be the best decade of my life.  I was sure that I would die in my sleep that night.  I was not handling it well, but forty and one day proved to be okay.   This year, I will be 45 in July, and I embrace that feeling completely content (and without reserve) that I am more grounded than I have been.

I’ve learned to appreciate the fact that since I’ve not been physically active in two years that I can come back.  Slowly.  I am an “all or nothing” kind of girl with a fast burn rate (lots of unfinished projects).   You know, if  25 situps is good for you then 100 should be perfect!  It’s easy for me to jump right in and immerse myself hot and heavy for days.   It’s hard to tune it down, but the body parts that worked two years ago are now well worked and complaining.  The one that will never be the same is getting better and will just be different.

2012 is looking to be a new chapter with a shift in my personal consciousness, not just the alleged universal shift in consciousness we’ve all heard about (that is, if you are a Coast to Coast listener).   I am pretty excited about it.

January and February 2012

These last two months have been relatively uneventful.  The winter had been mild and making me want to go camping!  Just before New Years my parents went to Tushar and there was only 6 inches of snow.  That’s not good.  Usually snow is piled over the gate or up to (and over) the roof at the pavilion.  Not too long after that the mountains got pounded.  

I started running again.  My foot is semi cooperative after 5 months of physical therapy, and it’s not too bad to run.  Before my sesamoid broke I was a “toe runner”- it was easier and I didn’t get fatigued.  Now, I have had to compensate for a toe that won’t bend past 45 degrees.  I have to change how I run and it SUCKS!  I am slower and it seems like a bigger effort to get it done, but it’s getting better.  After 2 years of not being able to run or do much physically my endurance is increasing.  My running foot strike is somewhere between the heel/mid-side of my foot. I can’t run normally.  Ibuprofen 800s are my constant companion.  The more I abuse it on the treadmill, the better it feels, so I hope by the time the police academy is over in June that it’ll be just that much better and not as painful.   

 

Christmas Tree on SR 133

From Hatton Road looking toward Kanosh

I’ve lived in Kanosh for twenty years.  For many of those years someone has put up a Christmas tree on the east side of the road right at the Hatton Road turn between Meadow and Kanosh.   I think they must do it in the middle of the night.

I remember thinking it was a joke the first time I saw it, but I believe it’s been a feature for consecutive years.

All I know is that I appreciate it and  it makes me smile and  I look forward to seeing it every year.

I like the idea of holiday magic and I don’t want to know who is responsible, but if you know, please tell them   that I said, “Thank You!”

The Christmas Room

The Christmas season is upon us.   This year I decided that I would decorate the patio room and that way I don’t have to move furniture.  It’s been fun and we have spent alot of time in the patio room this week because it’s so warm (and we both took vacation).  I love that I can leave the back door open and just walk into another room in my house.

Only one casualty glass ornament so far. 

 

   My cinnamon stick star w/ ivy.  The mouse ornament was given to me by my grandma when I was in high school.  It is probably an antique by now (looks like one from the 50 or 60′s) and was always on their Christmas tree when I was young.  It was  always my favorite and now it’s the first ornament on my tree every year.

      Holly garland (before the lights were added) and “Marv” the banana tree.

I think I’m sold!  My living room can stay the same w/ moderate decor and everything is in another room.  With all the live plants we have out there it all just fits.

The Red and Green

Not what you probably thought for this holiday season, was it?    We are still enjoying home grown tomatoes!

Wasn’t That A Party

The title of the blog will make sense later. The questions below are some that we often may wonder, but what better way to answer them than with music.

Here are the Rules-
1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, MP3 Player, or whatever on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.

If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say? “Take it to the Limit”,  The Eagles

How would you describe yourself? ” Caught up in you”,  .38 Special

What do you like in a guy/girl? “Garden of Peace”  Tranquil Moods

How do you feel today? ” Remember When”,  Alan Jackson

What is your life’s purpose? “Grapefruit Diet”,  Weird Al 
What is your motto? “Master Blaster (Jamin’)”,  Stevie Wonder
What do your friends think of you?  “Your the Only Woman”,  Ambrosia  (yes, I am SURE that’s it)

What do you think of your parents? “You Take my Breath Away”,  Rex Smith  (Awwwww)
What do you think about very often?  “Sanitarium”,  Metallica  (That’s funny)
What is 2 + 2?  “Hot Stuff” Donna Summer
What do you think of your best friend?   “The Man he Didn’t Have to Be”,  Brad Paisley   (Oh…make me cry)

What do you think of the person you love?  “The Masochism Tango”,  Tom Lehrer   

What is your life story?  “You Can Do Magic”,  America
What do you want to be when you grow up?  ”Leper Messiah”, Metallica  (Every girl’s dream)

What do you think of when you see the person you love? ” Give Me The Beat Boys”,  Dobie Gray  (RIP)

What will they play at your funeral?  “Dead Man’s Party” , Oingo Boingo.   (Seriously, that came next)

What is your hobby/interest? “Money (That’s what I Want)”, Flying Lizards

What is your biggest fear? “It My Life”  No Doubt

What is your biggest secret? “The Checks in the Mail”, Weird Al
What do you think of your friends?  “Time of Your Life”,  Green Day
What will you post this as?  “Wasn’t That a Party”, Irish Rovers

I did this back in 2008.  It was fun to do it again and makes me laugh. 

Mother-Daughter Witchy Weekend

This year was my turn for the annual weekend activity.  Witchapalooza was going on at Gardner Village, so it was set!

To begin, my sisters and my mom traveled to Kanosh to get me.  Mom wanted to fill her drink cup with water, and since I’d already locked the door she told me not to open it.  I directed her to a culinary faucet on the patio and we were off!

 

 

 

 

Since this was a Halloween themed outing, I decided we needed to eat at the Family Tree Restaurant in Santaquin.  This is a great place to eat, 1. because it’s roots have a Smith family heritage (We sat in this section)

and 2. the most important: It’s HAUNTED!  So of course I am going to eat there!                                                         

A few years ago, I was dubbed “The Bearer of Tiny Gifts”  by Caroline.  So, keeping with that tradition, everyone was presented with a Halloween spider ring that we all wore for the weekend  (I ran out of spiders, so I wore a bat ring). Our waitress was cute and told us many stories of the encounters and unexplained occurrences at the restaurant.  My mom and sisters thought when I said we were going to a haunted restaurant, they assumed it was a halloween party or something…C’mon, I want REAL ghosts!

 

 

 

 

We drove to our lodging destination in Sandy and visited for the next hour or so.  Mom decides to freshen her water that she had been drinking since we left my house, and shrieks!   There,  in the bottom of the cup is a giant black (dead) jumping spider that was formerly living in the tap on my patio.   We wondered what we could expect her to look like in the morning.

 

The next morning we shop a little and make our way to Gardner Village where there were witches galore.  I was sorry that we didn’t dress up.  Next time I come back, it will be in character!

 

 

  Our table.              A few of the local witches ready for the dinner theatre “Taming of the Brew”.  It was funny- especially when one of the male characters went on a full ad lib monologue.  The onstage cast (one of which was the director) laughed so hard and had trouble getting back to the script.   He was hilarious.

I love this shirt!

After the show it was uneventful as we traveled home.  I had good time, good food and the best company of all!

I love you mom, Caroline, Valerie and Andrea.  Please note that I had in mind to call you all by different names this weekend:  Hecate, Grizelda, Gladys Dagmar, and Desdemona.  :)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Coincidence or “the Mark”

On my very last weekend at Tushar camping alone (and really alone) I was walking back to my trailer from the gate and noticed something dangling from a branch on a pine tree.  It was a wadded up sticker hung like a Christmas tree ornament by a strand of long blonde hair.  I carefully unwrapped it to find this:      You’ve got to be kidding!

 

I had to laugh at the coincidence and thought it could serve as a good premise for a book.   Is it a clue?  The name of the next hit?  The Mark?  A piece of unwanted sticker paper from a family reunion? Or a secret message?   Or just some rambling from some camper chick locked inside a campground in the  mountains for three days, with an over active imagination and nothing better to do that hour?

Fall

    Fall is my favorite season, but it signals the end that camping season is over.  It’s never long enough.   When this photo was taken, we still had two good weekends of camping left.  Eric brought our trailer home on October 7th, but only after it had snowed 16″ in the campground.  We were gone all week and he was sick for two of those days.  Intending to stay the last weekend in the snow, Eric took my camera case, but the camera was home.  I was going to meet him, but he decided to come back that night- So, no pictures of all the snow up there.  He said it was beautiful up there, that he’d never seen the campground like that.  Wish I had been there.

       

 

           Roses in our garden                     

September At Tushar

 Here’s a close up shot of a nasty tasting bag of giant marshmellows that we sacrificed to the Fire god.  It was cool to watch them. They took a very long time to burn.  Eating these was like eating a slightly sweet foam stress ball that you squeeze with your fingers.

 The tree the Eric carved our names into on the dam at Tushar umpteen years ago.

  Top of the dam at Tushar                  Eric moving the forest around to prepare the Day Use site at Tushar    He said, “I miss Mr. Kubota.”       Dad taking a picture of me with his Ipad2.

       Potential offspring from Eric’s tree.   This Catface was living inside the tubing on Dad’s trailer.